Saturday, December 18, 2010

Signs, Signs: Everywhere a Sign


Sign Sign everywhere a sign
Blocking out the scenery
breaking my mind 
Do this, don't do
that, can't you
read the

Day old pizza, I know: trying to keep alive the spirit
of yesterday's on-line "academics" culminating in
Jeff's unveiling  the actual source of my agony:
end-of-the-semester blues.

Despair at once-again & again feeling the gap
between my talk & my walk. Closure which is
never closure but always re-opening wounds
and my ongoing cover-it-up vulnerability I
project (as Jeff's small apocalypse exposes)
on various CAUSES  &  The Principle of  the

It's been parking before. It's been shrimp and
firewood. A long time ago:  video games.  Rubric-
Concern & our Assess-mentality:  my latest projection.
All of it:  smoke & mirrors to cover up if not deny my
inadequacy,  my incompetence, my impotence, my
failure to communicate ..

As Jeff says "self delusion is the only way you can
keep going at a task like this."  It's true.

Or lusion

That too. Putting it in play.IT, I said.
What Dr Mycoff calls "the ludic frame"    ..
I pray for Dis-Illusionmental Studies
and Leadership programs.

I for one (and thought I was the only one) hate the holidays
and can't wait until they  come back so I  can get lost in
trying and trying again


    Obsessed.        Compelled.       Laser-like

Academic Attention Efficiency at the expense of all else to
which I am sadly deficient.

Got to love it or I'm screwed. IT, I said.

xxxooo, Sam

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